Strict male/female role stereotypes are often modeled and expected, which may inadvertently teach children one of the principles of domestic violence - that a man should dominate a woman. Consider these “norms”:

• Masculine means powerful and aggressive - boys are taught that aggressive behavior, as opposed to responsible or faithful behavior, earns them respect.
• Feminine is promoted as being passive, submissive, and deferring to the leadership of men.
   
• Masculine means strong and rugged.
• Feminine means dainty and soft.
   
• Men are often taught to be the head of the household and to make all the important decisions.
• Women are often taught to comply with their husband’s wishes and to support their decisions regarding the family.
   
• Men are often taught to be strong, independent, and emotionless in difficult times.
• Women are often taught to be dependent, supportive, and the emotional caretakers of the family.

It must be noted that many people live in relationships where masculine and feminine roles are closely followed. Most do so without violence. The problem is not necessarily in the roles, but in the enforcement of them and in the use and misuse of power and privileges by the abuser.

Why Do They Stay?
Choosing to leave or stay with an abusive partner is an individual and personal decision. The decision is based upon many different issues and should never be taken lightly.

Many people, including victims of domestic violence resort to coping mechanisms when faced with difficult situations, which in this case may include:

• Minimizing - downplaying the importance or severity of abusive behaviors.
• Denial - refusing to admit or pretending that the abuse is not happening.
• Rationalization - finding reasonable explanations for the abuser’s behavior, such as stress at work or lack of sleep.
• Drug/alcohol use - turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the physical and emotional pain of abuse.
• Self-blame - making excuses for the abuser, such as, “If I hadn’t brought up that subject, it never would have happened.”