Because it’s April 2nd when I am writing this and a little too early in the morning for me to be fully awake, I have no April Fools Day joke/prank for everyone (maybe next year, with time to plan:) ). We had a beautiful spring weekend here – a mix of sunny weather, with a light shower to keep things from getting too hot – and I hope that you all had a great weekend as well. It is hard to believe that we are 1/4 of the way through 2012.

Be sure to check out the latest and greatest EPress (both below and attached). As always feel free to contact us with any questions.

Zachary Summerlin
zsummerlin@fsu.edu
850-644-1715

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April 2012 EPRESS

 

Supervised Visitation Network National Conference

The Supervised Visitation Network is holding its annual conference in Orlando from May 9-12. For more information about this great opportunity, check out the website http://www.svnetwork.net/conference.asp. The Clearinghouse on Supervised Visitation will be leading two scheduled sessions at the conference. In addition, Karen will be happy to meet with Florida program directors separately to discuss SV issues.(Please call or email in advance to schedule.)

 

Using Supervised Visitation to Promote Family Economic Self-Sufficiency
Karen Oehme, J.D.

This workshop will describe the lessons of a project that used two Florida supervised visitation programs to improve financial outcomes for low-income families. 

 

Domestic Violence Cases in Supervised Visitation: A data analysis from five programs
Karen Oehme, J.D.

Over 100 domestic violence injunctions in which judges ordered families to use a local supervised visitation program were analyzed by the Florida Clearinghouse on Supervised Visitation. Five SV programs separately tracked these cases to determine service patterns. The outcomes were surprising and informative. This workshop will address the methods and conclusions of the research. This session is important because of researchers’ call for more outcome data on the usage of supervised visitation. 

 

Questions from Directors

We allowed a father to designate his new wife to drop off the children for monitored exchanges. A staff member accidentally mentioned this to the children’s mother, and she got very upset. It was a mess. Did we do something wrong?

No, you did not. As long as you had the proper paperwork from the father designating the step mother as transporter, and a photo ID to identify her, and you’ve followed your own procedures related to safety, you’re in compliance with best practices. If the biological mother raises safety issues related to the stepmother – i.e., the stepmother has had her license revoked, or has a criminal past, or something of that nature – you must follow up on those issues. There indeed may be instances in which a parent’s designee is not appropriate. However, the issue may also be that the biological mother does not like the step mother. In that case, as long as the court did not make it clear that ONLY the father could transport the children, he is allowed to have a designee. If the mother is dissatisfied with that, she can go back to court and get further instruction from the court. Of course, a court order about transportation prevails. So if the mother obtains a court order instructing only the father to transport the children, any other transporter chosen by the father is a violation of the court order.

This question does raise other important points. The first is that of communicating the program rules clearly to the parents. This is a basic rule of supervised visitation, and it starts at intake. Also, you asked me whether you had an obligation to tell the mother precisely who was transporting the children. My view is that if she asks the question, you should answer it. Transparency regarding program procedures and operations is usually the best approach, so that the mother does not believe you are in the business of keeping secrets from her, which you are not. Again, if a client does not like the program procedure, he or she can go back to court and complain to the referring judge. (There are some things that you must keep confidential, such as addresses of victims of domestic violence, but these are a much narrower set of exclusions.) Another point regarding this question is the issue of the “perfect circumstances.” The biological mother in this case might be upset that the father “always shirks his responsibility for the children.” The supervised visitation program can’t be held responsible for that problem. The use of supervised visitation or monitored exchange is never perfect. Finally, the issue of documentation is paramount. Be sure to document the client’s complaint, deal with it pursuant to your policies, and keep it in the file.

 

We have a dependency case in which the father is the visiting parent. The biological mother died a few years ago. We haven’t had the same visit monitor on the case each week because of staff turnover, so there were different monitors who didn’t really know the girlfriend or notice any changes. Last week though, the father brought his girlfriend to the visit, and we think she’s pregnant, but we’re not sure because of her build and because we can’t really say that she’s changed because of staff continuity issues at the program. Do we have to do anything?

Remember, you are an extra set of eyes and ears for the court, so when you notice something, you should stop and think about how to document it. I understand that you don’t want to ask any woman if she’s pregnant, but in this case, you can find a way to politely ask. Because the children were removed from the father’s care, there may be safety issues for a new baby. I know you’re embarrassed to ask, but try not to make a big deal about it. Outside of the children’s presence, you can say, “Oh, we haven’t seen you in a while and we’d like to get caught up with you. (Looking at your clipboard…) Do you live with the father? Do you have contact information you can share with us? I was also wondering, are you pregnant? If the answer is yes, inform the case manager. If you can’t bring yourself to ask, you should call the case manager and simply inform her that the girlfriend might be pregnant. Note in the file the date you made the call, and add a summary of the conversation.

 

Five Fundraising Ideas for Supervised Visitation Programs

The following list explains five different types of fundraisers, and how to prepare for these events.

1. Chefs’ Sampler: Children’s Home Society of North Central Florida – http://www.chsfl.org/Locations/North-Central/25th-Annual-Chef-s-Sampler

• Work with local restaurants, caterers, grocers, and other food and beverage companies.
• These companies can set up booths, tables, and stations to allow guests to sample their food and products.
• Admission to the Chefs’ Sampler put on by Children’s Home Society is $50. This can be adjusted to meet your program’s needs.
• Space for the event can be donated or rented at lower costs from hotels, convention centers, malls, or a large space at your own facility.

1. Casino Night Fundraiser: Junior League – http://www.juniorleagueftl.org/?nd=about

• Work with local restaurants, caterers, grocers, businesses, and community partners.
• These companies can sponsor tables (poker tables, roulette, blackjack, etc) in exchange of a donation. They can have the dealer wear their uniform and give out “gag” gifts or small prizes when individuals win at their table. They can use this to help advertise their company, services, or products.
• Ticket sales to the event can vary depending on your needs. At arrival, guests are given a certain amount of ‘fake’ money to gamble with. They have the option of ‘buying’ more money by donating more.
• Drink and refreshment sales can also contribute to your overall donations. Ask local grocers, restaurants, and other venders to donate alcohol, soda, juices, and snacks at a lower cost (or free). Sale price can vary depending on how many guests you have and what your goals are.
• Space for the event can be donated or rented at lower costs from hotels, convention centers, malls, or a large space at your own facility.
• Dealers can be community volunteers, friends, or coworkers. Equipment that you may choose to use (roulette, craps table, etc) can be rented or borrowed, but are not necessary.

1. Leaving a Legacy Founder’s Circle: Junior League of Ft. Lauderdale – http://www.juniorleagueftl.org/?nd=about

• Individuals, groups, or corporations can give donations and have their name or business on a plaque in the office, agency, or headquarters.
• Donations can be at different levels. For smaller donations, small plaques can be used. For larger donations, bigger plaques, awards, or banners can be used.
• Discounts or donations from trophy/engraving/plaque companies can be solicited if possible.

1. Spaghetti Dinner Fundraiser: http://www.athensnews.com/ohio/article-23997-letter-thanks-for-help-with-fundraiser-for-supervised-visitation-center.html

• Gathering donations or discounted products from local Italian restaurants, pizza joints, and grocers, programs can host Spaghetti Dinners/Lunches for a fundraiser.
• Charging per plate, and offering information on services offered, volunteer opportunities, and donation goals can be a great way to raise money and awareness.
• The cost per plate can be determined based on program needs, goals, and the formality of the event.

1. Silent/Live Auction: United way of Adams County – http://www.unitedwayofadamscounty.com/uploads/wine%20tasting%20flyer%202011.pdf

• In order to maximize profits, you can charge an admission donation cost to the event itself. Prices can vary based on needs and goals. The United Way has charged $25 per ticket in the past.
• Invite local businesses, grocers, restaurants, spas, movie theaters, museums, hotels, and other companies to donate items for the silent auction. Individuals can also donate items like artwork, gift cards, and other items. Larger items can be auctioned off in a live auction as well.
• Proceeds from the auction and admission ticket donations can help support your agency.

 

Family-Centered Practice: Siblings Bonding in Blended Families

By Ember Maselli

 

Providers have opportunities throughout the visitation process to help families in many ways. The focus below is on blended families.

Statistics

Blended families, or step families, have become quite common in the United States. Because of high divorce rates and remarriage becoming more commonplace, families are often created with children from other marriages. Sometimes the issues of blended families are raised during visits or intake. Staff should be ready to offer ideas and strategies to help parents and children through the rough patches of adjusting to a new family structure. A few relevant facts:

• 48% of all first marriage will eventually end in divorce.
• Remarriage has become common, with 79% of women and 89% of men remarrying within 5 years.
• 43% of marriages today involve a 2^nd or 3^rd remarriage (at least one spouse has been married before).
• Currently, 65-68% of remarriages include children from previous relationships.
• 1 out of 3 Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a stepsibling, or some other member of a stepfamily

How to gauge sibling relationships

When following family-centered practice, it is important to discuss relationships between all family members, including biological, step, and foster families. As roles change when families become blended and new members join the household, confusion and emotions can affect all members of the family. Talking with children can help identify their own strengths and how they view their new family, and can help supervised visitation staff work with the family.

During supervised visitation intake interviews, asking children about their siblings and their step siblings can be helpful to gauge communication and interaction. Children may dislike their new siblings or they may be accustomed to being the oldest or only child.

Asking a few of the following questions (as age appropriate) can help assess a child’s thoughts and feelings about new siblings and family. This information can assist the provider with helping the family adjust to changes.

• What is it like living with your step siblings?
• How does your mom/dad (biological parent) talk/play with your step siblings?
• How do you play with your step siblings?
• How have things changed since your step siblings have moved in?
• Do you like living with your siblings and your step siblings?
• Do you like visiting the family you don’t live with?
• Can you talk about your new siblings with parents, relatives or friends?
• Do you feel happy about your new family?

Coping with family changes by age group

Below are recommendations and information to pass along to parents.

 

Age 3 years to 6 years
Age related experiences to blended families	How to address these experiences or feelings
Children under the age of 10 tend to be more accepting of new adults and friends.	Emphasize a positive relationship between step siblings and step parents.
Children may feel competition for a parent/step parent’s attention, and may dislike siblings for getting more attention.	Emphasize that both the child and step siblings are sharing parents now, and that the child’s biological parents still love them just as much as before.
Children may prefer verbal interactions instead of physical reactions. Child may be less likely to hug or show affection to siblings.	Talk to the child about how he/she feels about step siblings and how he/she could show his/her siblings that they like/love them.
Children may fight with step siblings and have difficulty sharing.	Talk with child about sharing and “playing nice” and discuss with child any concerns about how his/her step siblings interact with them.
Young children may be used to a certain schedule or way of doing things and may become confused or upset when things change.	Explain to child that now that the family has gotten bigger, there needs to be room for everyone to be able to have fun, be a part of the family, and live all together.
Parenting may vary from child to step child and young children may feel uneasy about this.	Emphasize the importance of a new family unit and let the child know that his/her parent still loves them. Let the child know the child’s step parent is there to help take care of him/her, but the step parent may be used to doing it in a different way.

 

 

Age 7 years to 12 years
Age related experiences to blended families	How to address these experiences or feelings
Children, who may be still mourning the loss of their original family unit may resist efforts of the step family to get to know them.	Discuss the child’s concerns about getting to know his/her new family, including siblings. Children may feel like accepting a new family removes the old one, so emphasizing that his/her biological parent(s) still love them, or that he/she will see grandparents from his/her biological family can be helpful.
Children may be closer together or farther apart in age than they were before or the step-parent may be close in age to the eldest sibling.	Role changes can be very challenging for children and adults alike, and children who are old enough to understand these changes may struggle. Explain to the child that although he/she may not be the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child, he/she is still important and the new family will be different, but it should be a positive experience.
Children who are less than 2 years apart often have more conflict than children who arespaced further apart.	Talk with the child on ways he/she can get along with his/her new step siblings. Focus on strengths and what they have in common, rather than their differences.
One child may feel resentment towards another sibling who has bonded more with the new step family and feel like he/she is abandoning their biological family.	Talk with the child about how he/she feels about the new family and how he/she can talk to his/her sibling about these feelings in a calm manner. Emphasize the value in both the new family and his/her biological family and how bonding with a new family does not negate the “old” family.
Rules and boundaries may be different for one child than his/her step siblings. This may cause disagreement between siblings and parents.	Encourage both the children and parents to create a concrete set of rules for the household to avoid disagreement.
Parenting may vary from child to step child and young children may feel uneasy about this.	Emphasize the importance of a new family unit, and let the child know that his/her parent still loves them, and the child’s step parent is there to help take care of him/her, but the step parent may be used to doing it in a different way.

 

 

Age 13 years to 18 years
Age related experiences to blended families	How to address these experiences or feelings
One child may feel resentment towards another sibling who has bonded more with the new step family, and feel like he/she is abandoning their biological family.	Talk with the child about how he/she feels about the new family and how he/she can talk to his/her sibling about these feelings in a calm manner. Emphasize the value in both the new family and his/her biological family and how bonding with a new family does not negate the “old” family.
Older children may spend less time at home, and not bond with younger children or his/her step family.	Discuss with the child how he/she feels about the step family, and if he/she wants a closer relationship with step siblings.
Rules and boundaries may be different for one child than his/her step siblings. This may cause disagreement between siblings and parents.	Encourage both the children and parents to create a concrete set of rules for the household to avoid disagreement.

 

Case Scenarios to help you think about blended families 

Scenario One: 

Darren, age nine, visits with his father Stephen at the Sunshine Visitation Program. Darren and his mother, Diane, have moved in with Cindy, age eight, Craig, age nine, and new stepfather, Charlie. Darren is used to being an only child and has not experienced anyone else being around when he is home with his mother. Now Cindy and Craig try to play with him, share toys, and talk to him. Darren is frustrated by this and tells Cindy and Craig to leave him alone. This goes on for some time, until the children end up fighting almost constantly. Diane mentions during intake that she is having a hard time with Darren, and that he dreams about living with Stephen to get away from the new family. Stephen has a drug problem, and it is not likely that Darren will live with Stephen in the near future.
It can be difficult for a child to adjust to a new family, but when their role changes from an only child to now one of three children, all close in age, it can become even harder. The following suggestions and conversations may help improve the relationship between Darren and his new siblings, Cindy and Craig.

• Ask Darren how he feels having two new siblings. Explore similarities between the siblings and suggest activities they would all like to do together when Darren is home.
• Darren may be very used to and accustomed to alone time. Talk to Darren about how much he wants to play with others and how much alone time he likes.
• Discuss with Diane the differences Darren is facing being in a new family and explain that he may need alone time, sometimes. But also explore activities that could do together and include the other children in.
• Be ready to suggest counseling for the family. Have community resource information available.

Scenario Two:

Megan, age 15, and Susie, age 16, are living together after their parents got married. Both Megan and Susie participate in after school activities. Megan is in band and Susie is a cheerleader. Both Megan and Susie are finished at school around the same time, within a half hour of each other. Megan’s biological mother Claire has asked Susie if she could drive Megan home from school, but Susie doesn’t want to have to wait around for Megan to put her instrument away and talk to friends. Susie drives home without Megan on a few occasions and Megan was left after school until a parent could come pick her up. Megan reported this to the visit supervisor last week in front of Mark, her father. Mark is very upset about this and asks if the monitor has any suggestions. He says that he doesn’t want Megan waiting all alone, but he has a court order that prohibits him from calling Claire to talk about this issue. 

Being close in age can be difficult, especially for teenagers who also attend the same school. With the added issues of different interests and slightly different schedules, it can get tricky. But having them talk and work together could help. The following suggestions and conversations helping Claire to strategize may help to mend things between Megan and Susie.

• Talk to Claire. Suggest the following strategies:
  • Perhaps she can ask Susie how she feels about leaving Megan at school and why she does not want to drive her. Is it an issue of time, or does she just not want to be with her?
  • Suggest that Claire discuss with Megan and Susie how, even if they do not get along with each other, they can show respect for each other by not promising a ride home and leaving or by staying late talking to friends after practice.
  • Propose that Claire ask Megan if she could adjust her pack up time after practice to help with Susie’s waiting time.
  • Remind Claire to focus on similarities and strengths between Megan and Susie, and give suggestions of things they might both enjoy.
  • Talk about any safety issues that may result from leaving Megan at school.
  • Document these conversations.

The process of supervised visitation can include many diverse an even unexpected issues, and families sometimes need help addressing them. Although monitors can’t solve every problem, they should be able to offer at least a starting point for parents. Remember, some problems require a counselor to sort out. Other times, practical and reasonable suggestions can be offered by the supervised visitation staff.

References

American Academy for Pediatrics (1996). Guidelines for parents. Sibling relationships. Retrieved from http://www.sebpmg.com/educational_topics/Sibling_Relationships.pdf

Band Back Together Project (n.d.).What is a blended family? Blended Family Resources. Retrieved from http://www.bandbacktogether.com/blended-families-resources/

Kemp, G., Segal, J., & Robinson, L. (2011) How to bond with stepchildren and deal with stepfamily problems. Guide to Step-parenting and Blended Families. Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/blended_families_stepfamilies.htm

Winning Step Families (2010). Blended family statistics. Winning Step Families. Retrieved from http://www.winningstepfamilies.com/BlendedFamilyStatistics.html

 

The following information is being provided to Supervised Visitation staff to use during intake, when a redirection is necessary, or if a visit is not very positive. Please share with Parents.

Re-directing and disciplining children without spanking

Is it really possible to re-direct and discipline children without spanking?

The good news is YES! Caregivers can learn strategies to add to their parenting toolbox that will increase the cooperation and decrease the meltdowns for both adult and child. When a child acts out, the parent-child interaction becomes difficult for everyone involved.

Tell Parents:

Some reasons children misbehave v  Boredom v  Angry feelings v  Need attention/love v  Low self-esteem v  Anxiety v Confusion

Many parents use a discipline method because it’s how they were raised — and they don’t give it much thought. It’s good for parents to be think about their approach to discipline and to consider the effects of their choices. It is important to decide on a few methods of dealing with specific behaviors so when they inevitably appear, parents are not too bewildered. Identifying the problem and choosing an approach is more than half the battle. Ask parents to make discipline a conscious choice.

The difference between Discipline and Punishment

The 3 D’s of Discipline 1)    Define the problem 2)    Decide on a solution 3)    Definitely follow through

Discipline is about guiding children in a way that supports their development of self control. It is respectful and accepting. It is how parents help a child respond to the events in the child’s life. Discipline enhances self-worth and self-confidence.

Punishment is used to hurt. It focuses on the child without addressing the act or the behavior. Spanking can be humiliating for children, can cause anger, aggression, resentment, and possibly, physical harm. This kind of punishment often does not teach the lesson the parent is trying to convey. Punishment is damaging to self-worth and self-confidence.

Why is discipline so important?

Children have a natural curiosity and are constantly testing their limits. Correcting an unacceptable behavior in a respectful way is essential to teach children how to respond appropriately and for a child to have a secure and healthy personality. The best way to interact with a child is in a caring and loving way, especially if a parent is trying to build self-control while teaching effective consequences.

Discipline should be appropriate for different ages and stages

Alternatives to Spanking

These positive tools help children develop self-control and self-confidence more easily. Once a caregiver begins using these techniques consistently, the child will understand the process and know what to expect when he or she “crosses the line.”

• Time outs-allows a child to regroup and think about behavior.
• Offer choices- getting kids involved helps them accepting responsibility.
• Focus- or another key word that means “it’s time to stop and listen.”
• Redirect attention- change activity, partner or environment.
• Set limits- boundaries give the child understanding of how he or she they can go.
• Reinforce positive behavior- spend time with children while they are behaving.
• Consequences- helping kids understand the link between actions and the outcomes.

RELAX

It is understandable when a parent gets worked up dealing with an uncooperative child or teenager. The challenge is to not let it affect the parent’s judgment and how he or she conducts himself/herself. Here are some tips for parents to remain calm and how to regroup when it does happen.

REMOVE YOURSELF 

Sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is get a little space between him or herself and the situation. This allows a parent to focus on how to positively come to a conclusion. This is like an adult “time out” and it is very important to use so that the parent can think through responses to the child’s behavior.

BREATHE! 

Breathing techniques are not just for “hippies.” Even the U.S. Military teaches breathing techniques and visualization to officers and their families to help them calm down at stressful times. Breathing is a natural thing, but when we are upset or anxious, we tend to hold our breath without even realizing it. Taking a few deep breaths will help parents be calm and refocus. Breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth with some effort. Parents can be taught to use their arms to help them emphasize your breath or even just your shoulders. Tell the parent: take three or four deep breaths and you will be calmer.

WHAT COLOR IS IT?

Colors convey many things about a person on conscious and subconscious levels and can help a parent make positive choices. Parents can use color therapy to determine how they feel and change it to a more positive expression. Maybe when a parent is angry, the color he or she sees is red. But the color can be changed to a calmer color, or to the parent’s favorite color that makes him or her feel relaxed or loved. Or, instead of it being a red wall of anger, it can become a beautiful red rose.

CREATIVE VISUALIZATION

Parents can be taught to use their imagination to change their feelings. Tell parents to close their eyes and envision a special place that they would love to be. The beach, the river, the mountains — any place that they find enjoy and find relaxing…the sky is the limit. This is an excellent way to rejuvenate!

References

Crary, Elizabeth. Without Spanking or Spoiling. Parenting Press, February, 1993. Print.

Hirsch, MD, Larissa. How can Parents Discipline without Spanking? August 2011 http://kidshealth.org/parenting/spanking.html

Lagoni, L. S., Martin, D. H., Maslin-Cole, C., Cook, A., MacIsaac, K., Parrill, G., Bigner, J., Coker, E., & Sheie, S. Good Times with Guidance and Discipline. 1989. http://nncc.org (National network for childcare)

Lewis, Ysanne. Color Healing http://ysanne.com/colour-therapy/

 

Intervention Techniques for Visits

An ongoing discussion…

While conducting an intake with a client, many topics can be covered that can prevent problems during visitation. By gathering background information, emphasizing respect, informing each parent of rules and parameters, and identifying risk factors, a staff person can adequately prepare the family and themselves for what will occur during a typical visit.

Even with the most thorough and valuable intakes, parents or children can misunderstand policies, or may disregard what they have been told about the experience.

The following scenarios may arise at visits. Suggestions are offered for intervention.

Scenarios

1. Rosa is visiting her 10 year old daughter, Hailey, who lives with her father, Dan. Rosa has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and does not take her medication consistently. The court has specifically told Rosa not to talk negatively about Dan. Today Rosa has begins talking to Hailey about how her father Dan is the only reason that the marriage broke up. Rosa says “If your father wasn’t such a jerk, we wouldn’t be in this situation. You need to tell him that. Tell him you think it’s all his fault. If he apologizes and ends this, we can all go back home”. 

The following tips can help a worker handle a scenario like the one between Rosa and Hailey.

• The worker can gently say “Rosa, this visit is about you and Hailey. We’re not talking about Dan today”.
• If Rosa continues, the worker can also say, “Rosa, if you want to continue this visit, please stop discussing Dan”. 
• The staff person should consider asking Rosa to step from the room to discuss the issue, and explain the importance of spending time with Hailey, instead of focusing on Dan.
• Before the next visit, Rosa should be reminded not to blame Dan to prevent a disruption in the visit.
• Sometimes a parent’s behavior necessitates a conversation with the child. When that’s necessary, the child should be told “The judge ordered this, Hailey. It was not your dad’s decision. We’re going to focus on you and your mom having a good time together here.”

1. 2.      Kyle is visiting his eight year old son, Jacob, who lives with his mother, Diane. Kyle is visibly frustrated before the visit begins. During the visit, Kyle begins talking to Jacob about his recent report card. Jacob proudly shares his grades in most subjects, but also discloses he received a C in math. Kyle begins to talk down to Jacob saying, “Jacob, I don’t know why you seem so happy about your grades. You got a C in math? Are you stupid or something? You’re in 5^th grade, it can’t be that hard. I’m disappointed to have raised such a dumb son.” Now Kyle is angry.

The following tips can help a worker handle a scenario like the one between Kyle and Jacob.

• If a worker is able to identify that the parent is frustrated before a visit, attempting to talk to the parent about it can be beneficial. A worker could say, “Hi, Kyle. You seem a bit frustrated. Is everything okay?” […] “Well, hopefully we can look past that, and you and Jacob can have a good time at this visit. I wouldn’t want you guys to have a bad time because of what else is going on outside of the visit.”
• A parent should be allowed to express disappointment. However, if a worker hears the discussion start to turn into a harsh condemnation, or hears the parent talking down to the child, he or she should react by redirecting the conversation. At that point, the parent may understand that their behavior and conversation is inappropriate for the current setting.
• If a worker hears this type of conversation, and redirecting is not working, and a parent continues name calling, it is time to pull the parent aside to discuss this problem away from the child. A worker could approach this by saying, “Kyle, may I speak to you for a moment? Jacob, just hold on for a second. Your father and I will be right back.” After this, the worker could talk with Kyle away from Jacob. “Kyle, now is not the time to be talking to Jacob like this. It’s not productive to call him stupid and degrade him. He is in a difficult situation right now, and his grades are improving despite that. It’s important to support him right now.” Another idea would be to encourage Kyle to change his tone, and/or talk to Jacob about how much he’s improved over the past semester.
• If conversation begins to escalate and become emotionally abusive, separating Kyle and Jacob may be the best idea. If a parent ever becomes aggressive or the worker feels unsafe, or that the child may be in danger, the child and parent should be separated immediately. 

Additional Intake

It may be necessary to conduct another intake to explain the value of visitation, rules of visits, and how parents can make visits successful for themselves and their child.